[Disclaimer: Anything I say in this blog cannot be used against me in a face to face encounter, as I am experiencing a short moment of severe stressed-induced rage.]

I can't always do everything, or be responsible for everyone, or keep track of everything, or fix everything. I have a limit and I have reached it.

If you want my help, you have to meet me half way. You can't just expect me to bend over backwards just because you don't feel like applying effort.

If you want me to do everything for you, don't complain when I don't do it EXACTLY how you super-secretly wanted me to. Just SMILE, say THANK YOU, and walk your COMPLAINING ass away. You automatically lose the rights to complain about what I have done when you did not do ANYTHING. Also, LEARN TO LISTEN WITHOUT INTERRUPTING. PEOPLE HATE BEING INTERRUPTED.

If you want me to take you seriously, you need to stop being such a floozy. I get it, you're really cool, and you party, and everyone likes you, right? No. You're annoying. Stop being a mom in your mid forties who acts like a bimbo in her early twenties. And don't say "age is just a number", because there is a significant difference between staying young and letting yourself go. Some pull it off with class, but you don't. So stop.

If you want me to go to college, and you tell me before I start that you're helping me pay for it, don't freak out on me when you have to file for a loan because the federal loan offered is not a STUDENT loan, it is a PARENT loan. I cannot change my qualifications. Just get over it. I am taking out a loan too. I am also putting forth A LOT of effort to get a piece of paper with my  name on it. MOVE ON. FILL OUT THE PAPER. AND STOP GIVING ME A GUILT TRIP.

If you want to know why no one is talking to you, ASK THEM. I don't know! But please don't act like you are there, and we are ignoring you. It's not exactly like you've always been very involved in our lives either. I barely have a moment to keep in touch with those in the same zip code as me whom I am very close with, let alone those halfway across the country whom I don't know very well. I am sorry to be so blunt about this, but it is the truth. Just because we have busy lives does not mean we do not care, we just aren't the love confessing, small talking, life updating types. We also don't have the time or money to hop on a plane and come to visit. If you want to visit, by all means, you know where we live as well. Just because I am the most accessible, does not mean that I have all of the answers. So please stop putting guilt on me for things and people which are not in my control.

 

The End.
-m. mouse

 

I apologize for being so blunt, but it has been so long since I wrote an angry blog, and it really makes me feel a lot better. I always tell the whole truth in my blogs, as opposed to the non-blunt version in person. I think my blogging hiatus has been taking a toll on my mental health.

First off, I just need to say that "Makedamnsure" by Taking Back Sunday REALLY makes me want to play Saints Row 2.

Now that that's out, I got my Big Ass Book of Crafts today in the mail. I'm really excited. I am going to make some fucking awesome coasters today. Maybe I'll make you some too? Only if I really like you, though. I'm going to make so many awesome things... just you wait. I' also going to turn all my old AP magazines into a picture frame or something neat. That's going to be awesome, as well.

Man, I love this blog. I want to make a tribute to it, for being such a good friend. Speaking of friends... I'm also going to make a tribute to my friends. Something out of my crafts book. I'm not sure what yet - but get ready for it. It'll happen.

On a more responsible note, I'm almost done with my first class towards my Bachelor's degree. Only one 1 pg paper, and one 5-7 pg paper to go. I have until the 18th. Wish me luck. And, in July I'll be ready to lead you all all over the place.

I'm rambling so much right now. I could type for years in this blog, but the second I try to write anything outside of it I get distracted and move on. You've probably gathered that I've got nothing real to say at the moment, but here's some food for thought.

10 THINGS:

1. Go buy "THIS WILL BE THE DEATH OF US" by Set Your Goals.
2. If you don't know how to drive, park, or not be a dick in a big, giant car, DON'T BUY IT.
3. If you already bought it, TAKE IT BACK.
4. We're all going to the Pumpkin Patch Saturday night the 24th. Mark your calendars.
5. Jonathan Safran Foer FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY has a new book coming out. It's called Eating Animals. Its about food and eating habits and other stuff. Go to Amazon and read the description, then buy the book.
6. I'm thinking about turning the "Munny" doll Kara gave me (like 3 years ago) into a Day of the Dead skeleton. I'm not sure how I'll do this yet, but I love those things, and I can't wait. Its going to look rad.
7. If you're feeling generous, you should go buy me a 32gb Zune HD. I really want one. However, I don't have an extra $290 bucks to spend on it. Boo to that.
8. I want to have a movie night... Hocus Pocus anyone... or maybe even a REAL scary movie??
9. I need to see LESS THAN JAKE SOOOOOOOON.
10. BAYSIDE IS ONLY A LITTLE OVER A WEEK AWAY. I CAN NO LONGER CONTAIN MYSELF. TIME... SPEEEED UP!

Thats all.

I'm outta here, fools.

-27.

I used to blog everyday. I had something to say, no matter how trivial, every single day. And not only that, but I had no problems laying it all out for anyone to read. But now it seems like I can't do it anymore, and all I want is to be able to do it again. (Of course, back then people actually read my crap from time to time.)

I guess I always took for granted the people that read my posts. I think that the only reason I kept going for so long is because I figured there was someone who probably still read it. Plus I really had nothing better to do with my life; I spent most of my time alone toward the end of my blogging days. But now I feel like if I blog with out a reader, I'm just wasting my time. It makes me feel lonely. But I also feel like I really need to do it, so its become this huge inner conflict for me.

Maybe I just don't have anything important to say, so no one really cares about what my blog has to offer. That's probably it. But I feel like there are so many more people out there that write blogs even more pointless than mine, and they have tons of people paying attention to theirs - so, maybe I just don't have an abundance of people who actually care about my life? Or maybe, subconsciously this is just my way of telling myself that my life has become far more boring than it used to be, and I just don't feel I have anything interesting to say anymore (doubtful). I don't know...

I just know that its been over a year since I've been able to blog regularly, and I really feel like I am going crazy without it. I just want to break out of the shell I've put myself in and start exploding my brain into this little typing box everyday like I used to.

Maybe then I would start to remember things like I used to. And I might start to feel a little less distracted all of the time. My head wanders way to easily - and typing it all out helps keep me in check I guess.

I don't know.
I'm rambling.

Sleeptime, I guess.

(mightymouse)

I'm happy.
In 2 days I will have an Associate's Degree.
I have a good job.
I have a good support system.
I love my boyfriend very much.
I almost always enjoy my life.
My best friends are happy.
-Some happily in love.
-Some happily independent.
-Most happily enjoying their lives.
-One happily expecting a baby.
-And just being simply happy.
(Well most of the time, at least).
Maybe I've lost touch with a few people lately...
and maybe it bothers me sometimes,
but I'm happy. And the people I care about are happy.
So that is really fine by me.
Even though we don't all see each other as much as we did,
I don't feel like I am any less bonded most of you.
Maybe not all, but most.
And, when I have these moments to evaluate how far I've come,
sometimes they aren't as optimistic as they are right now.
But for the last few months, I've felt the least doomed, than I ever have.
I don't know how many years I've felt doomed, but its a lot.
And all of a sudden its like something snapped inside of me...
all of a sudden I feel like everything is going to be fine.
Everything is exactly as it should be in the world.
I can't believe how satisfying it is to feel like this.
I'm happy, really happy, and it's exactly as amazing as I always thought it would be.

I can try to take the credit for it, and say it was myself who got me to this point.
But I would be totally lying.
I have a crazy(-awesome) family, an amazing boyfriend, and the best friends on the planet.
Without all of these things, I can guarantee I would be completely lost.
(And probably still blogging about how much I hate my life).
BUT, thats all over.

So, thank you.
And I love you.
And, I'll see you later.

Thanksgiving is coming up. This is my favorite holiday.
I can't really be sure why, but I would say it has a lot to do with food. And the fact that usually by this time I haven't seen my crazy family for a year, and by this point I'd like to share some good laughs with them.
This year its a little weird because I saw them all last week, but it wasn't really the same.
Anyways, its also different because this year I've got two Thanksgivings to go to.
This is something entirely new for me, and I'm pretty happy about it.

I've been having a really weird month (well, year) so far. I'm experiencing a lot of things I haven't before.
Good things, and some not so good things. They'll all pan out in the end though, I suppose.
It's been kind of hard, and it still kind of is, but I finally feel like it's not going to tear me apart.
That's because I've got a small handful of really really really amazing people that I know I can count on.
I used to think I had a big handful of those people, but then they slowly disappeared.
It really bothered me at first, but then I just learned to depend on myself more.
And to appreciate the ones who didn't walk away, instead of dwelling on the ones that did.

A week ago today, one of my grandmas died. She was only 56.
It made me think about how short life is, and how it could change, or end, any second.
I feel like every single second of your life matters.
And if you spend too much time being miserable about things that are out of your control,
then you will regret it all in the end. I spend way too much time being miserable about nothing.

So, I'm trying to appreciate life more. I want to make a difference, an impact.
I don't really know how to do that, but I'm going to try to find a way.

I hate it when people think they know what's best for you.
So, they keep things from you until they see fit for you to know.

Then they make these decisions for you,
and they think they've done something that will help you out;
they think that they're the one who thought it all up.
As if it was something completely new and different -
a solution to a problem, and they're the genius who came up with it.
Only they're not. They're about 4 years behind in the race.

The thing is they have no idea what has been going on.
Because they're the ones in the dark - and by keeping their side a secret,
they've only taken for granted everything that has already happened.
They just put it all in a nice pretty package for someone else to finish off.

Just goes to show how the ones at the bottom always do all the work,
and the ones at the top always get all of the appreciation for it.

Well, you know what... screw that.
I'm not four, so you can stop acting like I am.
I'm not the immature one.
I don't just make the effort because you told me I should.
and I don't make the effort because of some sort of drunken-post-double-keggar-nostalgia, either.
I made the effort because it was the right thing to do.
Then it backfired, as it always does.
I made the effort and left you out of it because it wasn't your business.
and I didn't force anyone into it because that's not my place.

So, you walking in here like you've somehow saved the day,
thinking you've planted this idea in our heads that wasn't there before...
I'm not okay with that.

dkfjkdsjfksdjfklsdjfkdsjfklsdfjskd.
Whatever.
Some things never change.
I don't know why I bother.