I used to blog everyday. I had something to say, no matter how trivial,
every single day. And not only that, but I had no problems laying it
all out for anyone to read. But now it seems like I can't do it
anymore, and all I want is to be able to do it again. (Of course, back
then people actually read my crap from time to time.)
I guess I
always took for granted the people that read my posts. I think that the
only reason I kept going for so long is because I figured there was
someone who probably still read it. Plus I really had nothing better to
do with my life; I spent most of my time alone toward the end of my
blogging days. But now I feel like if I blog with out a reader, I'm
just wasting my time. It makes me feel lonely. But I also feel like I
really need to do it, so its become this huge inner conflict for me.
Maybe
I just don't have anything important to say, so no one really cares
about what my blog has to offer. That's probably it. But I feel like
there are so many more people out there that write blogs even more
pointless than mine, and they have tons of people paying attention to
theirs - so, maybe I just don't have an abundance of people who
actually care about my life? Or maybe, subconsciously this is just my
way of telling myself that my life has become far more boring than it
used to be, and I just don't feel I have anything interesting to say
anymore (doubtful). I don't know...
I just know that its been
over a year since I've been able to blog regularly, and I really feel
like I am going crazy without it. I just want to break out of the shell
I've put myself in and start exploding my brain into this little typing
box everyday like I used to.
Maybe then I would start to
remember things like I used to. And I might start to feel a little less
distracted all of the time. My head wanders way to easily - and typing
it all out helps keep me in check I guess.
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